Council of Fashion Designers Award Ceremony - Or: What does the fashion crowd wear?

This is supposedly an event by fashion designers for fashion designers - unlike all other award events where celebs parade designer wear unrelated to a fashion-y cause. It would stand to reason, therefore, that this kind of event would be the perfect stage for the ultimately innovative and cutting edge fashion, the most interesting of the stuff out there.

You know what's weird? It was not.

Starved for some dress porn after the spate of recent disappointments on sartorial eye-candy I came to the coverage eager and hopeful. NO SUCH LUCK. I am grumpy and grouchy, and it is decidedly not my fault.

Look for yourselves, ladies - here's the rundown!

Lets begin with the image every news outlet blasted: Rhianna in a custom 'dress' by someone I never heard of:

 It is not a dress. No skill was involved in making it. I'm not even talking about the nudity factor, which is beside the point.

Marion Cotillard, again in her contractual Dior, continued her recent reign of horror, in a terrible dress and slightly less terrible but not good mullet shoes:

Michael Kors with Blake Lively in his dress - the most BOOOORING, mall dress ever, and horrible shoes:

This woman is the winner of the accessories award, which might explain why her skirt is the wrong length for her and her outfit generally derivative..:

Rosie Assoulin with Keri Russel wearing her dress, a hot mess of a thing with aspiration of Seargent like grandeur:

What in the name of Gd is this swamp monster of a J Mendel dress?:

Or this one, even worse than its predecessor?:

Prabal Gurung with a model in his dress that offered nothing new other than a view of some less traveled parts of her anatomy:

The mostly gown-y bride-y designer Monique Lhullier and a model in her utterly predictable  design:

Chics in Rag&Bone, somehow found two dresses I DO NOT want by them:

Tory Burch providing an illustration as to why I hate her eponymous label:

Lu[ita Nyongo in a socially aware but no less terrible outfit:

Imagine being invited to this shindig, having the possibility and ability to wear awesome clothes, and showing up like this (don't care who):

Or this escapee from the 90s:

Or this model type:

Good among the bad:
Olivier Theyskens from Theory with Leigh Lezark in his dress, that predictably enough I covet:

Zac Posen continues to do well in a good cut and better color:

Linda Fargo, the style director for Bergdorf Goodman:

Iman, who often wears whatever she feels like, looking stunning:

Danielle Steel's daughter in a nice, if not particularly interesting dress by Aluzarra:

A Vogue-tte, Jessica Joffe, in a cool maxi:

And finally, for pure gossip value:
Vera Wang is scaring me - the shape of anorexia is not attractive:

These two boys are the sons of 90s supermodel Stephanie Seymour (yes, of Axl Rose fame) - proving that sometimes genes travel well:

And another kid-of, Anna Wintour's daughter, proving she is always a very uninteresting dresser: