Men Dressing Badly

This is a rare foray for Vestments - we shall go boldly where only men have gone before.  Menswear.

Aforementioned rarity is not a result of particular styling success on the part of the menfolk. On the contrary. Despite the much more circumscribed range of sartorial options men, being men, manage to dress badly regardless.

There are a few common traits that carry throughout men dressing themselves, organized here by common stereotype:

1) Hipster: has never met bottoms that are too skinny.

2) Intellectual: has never met corduroy that he didn't admire.

3) Artsy: has never met an odd print he didn't convince himself alternative enough to look good in.

4) Dad: has never met a pair of jeans saggy in the bottom he didn't deem 'comfortable'.

5) Douchebag: has never met an accessory he didn't want to pile on.

6) Banker: has never met an expensive/rare luxury object he didn't think he has the right to own. (closely related to 'douchebag', see above).

7) Fratboy: has never met a self-serving and self-important expression he didn't wear in perpetuity.

8) Outdoorsy: has never met fleece he didn't think of as 'performance'.

9) Slacker: has never met tie-die, torn T, or flipflops that didn't go with his flow.


Sad really, but men can be, and really truly are, divided into 9 groups.

Granted, I might be forgetting a subcategory, but then again, my life at the moment is really rather limited.  Please weigh in, ladies, and amend away!

Illustrations, ye ask?

Well, lets take a look at leading, and not so leading, men at various events over the last week and see what we can find, shall we?

1) Artsy: at least Sting has enough humor to mock his own peacock tendencies. Then again, does he?

2) Douchebag: A category overflowing with celebs.
Don't know who this guy is, don't care. From the carefully calibrated stubble to the ridiculous amount of design-y elements, he fits. He fits, ladies.

Same, but masquerading as Slacker:

 3) Hipster: Andrew Garfield. Cute, but true to category.

4) Dad: Ha. Look around ye, ladies. My life, at least, is surrounded by them. I live with one, for crying out loud. When presented with new jeans he has to perform the so called 'comfort' test. If they fail, they go back. So much for showing his cute butt while he still has one.

5) Outdoorsy: him not her. Funny actually. He's filming a movie about mountain climbers or something, and like most actor boys, he needs to live the part. Must be weird.

6) Banker: him, not her. Notice the prominent placement of the watch.

7) Intellectual: Wes Anderson, in the poster boy role. Who has seen Great Budapest Hotel ?

8) Fratboy: Brad Pitt epitomizes the look. His smugness seems to radiate.

And, him, not her, although she tends to spread the smug around as well:

Oh, and the category I didn't write about?

Dreamy.

Like so: