Foundation Garments

Horror of horrors, in a recent premiere Emma Watson’s slit dress (quite lovely if a little bridal) malfunctioned and gave the paparazzi a view of the edge of her shapewear. Like so:

Yes, if you look closely at her thigh you will notice the edge of what looks like spanx. Surely, news worth many a headline!

It got me thinking though – we really should talk about foundation garments.

Here’s the thing – it is not about weight, the weight you are or the weight you think you ought or want to be. Rather, it is about uneven distribution of fat (yeah, lets call a spade a spade) and the appearance of lumps. Most of us who are out of our twenties, after a kid, or two, or three have said lumps. In the spirit of sharing that this blog is all about I will list mine in descending order of magnitude: belly; love handles, upper thigh.  I hate them all. I go to the gym in an effort to eradicate them but reality keeps oozing itself out in an unsightly muffin top.

What to do, you ask? Buying a size larger helps up to a point, but only just. Being strategic with the cut (longer hems on your Tshirts, looser blouson tops, higher waist jeans) helps, but again only up to a point. What delivers the most bang for your lumps? FOUNDATION GARMENTS.

No, I’m not urging you to commit to anything as binding as this:

But I do believe that a good foundation garment will smooth out ye lumps. What makes a good foundation garment?

Spanx has long been a favorite of many, with Beyonce supposedly pulling on two pairs  at once (this is before her recent slimmer version). Personally, however, I’m not a spanx fan. I find the fabric both too tight and yet not sturdy enough, hard to wrangle. Recently I’ve discovered Flexees (put out by Maidenform). Why did I convert? Lets review.

What are the requirements of a foundation garment?

1) suck in everything from below the bra line (assuming you are wearing one, and not opting for an all-in-one shape-wear, of course)

2) avoid a VPL (visible panty line) – ideally by running to mid thigh

3) avoid the redistribution or reappearance of displaced fat elsewhere, based on that ancient Pythagorian theorem.

4) occupy a sweet price point of around $30

Flexees delivered on three out of four. I got this:

• Price is fantastic (between $18-$24).
• No fat spillage from under bra to mid thigh, at which point fat realizes it has no choice but to be contained.
• Lumps were smoothed out. I cannot say that my belly magically disappeared (nothing but lipo would make it go away), but it at least did not jut out in some areas more than others.

VPL? The Flexees has an unfortunate seam between top and lower portions of the garment and if you happen to be wearing a really tight dress a hint of it might show.

Try it.