Another punch is thrown in the mommy wars

I love almost everything about Emma Thompson (minus her political stance on boycotting Israel - a stance I can only explain as genteel antisemitism).


Recently she joined the fray of the judgy mommies by stating the following in the Daily Mail:

Emma Thompson has urged parents to take a year off work to spend more time with their children, saying: ‘You can’t be a great mum and keep working all the time.’
The actress recently put her Hollywood career on hold of 12 months to look after her children … but with a wealth estimated at about £30 million, she is better placed than most to be able to afford the time off.
The 55-year-old said: ‘I wanted to spend more time with my family. A year off was my birthday present to myself. I didn’t actually act or write. I was just a mum. I taught drama at my daughter’s school, cooked meals and had fun. I highly recommend others to do the same if they can afford it.’
The Love Actually actress – who has a 14-year-old daughter, Gaia, and a 26-year-old adopted son, Tindyebwa Agaba – said she had come to the conclusion that it wasn’t always possible to juggle parenthood and a career.
She said: ‘Sometimes in life you’ll have some things, at other times you will have other things. You don’t need it all at once, it’s not good for you. Motherhood is a full-time job. The only way I could have continued working would have been by delegating the running of the home to other people. I never wanted to do this as I find motherhood profoundly enjoyable.’

Thompson's statement is much more interesting than Angelina Jolie's likewise recent proclamation that Hollywood moms have it easy (no duh, Sherlock!).


Moreover, Thompson is right. I've been thinking about this a lot lately, partially because at a party at NK's house I got into discussing the concept of having it all with a woman who seemed to embody that impossibility. (she listened to my tirade without commenting). Yes, you cannot have it all. If you want a full-on, super career, you are bound to pass on the job (because it is a job) of raising children to someone else. There is nothing wrong with it - if you can have that choice, bless you. But even if privileged, you are making a conscious choice. Sheryl Sandberg made that choice - a fleet of nannies and various assistants are raising her kids. Good for her. I want to raise mine, at least most of the time.


And the more I think about it, biology isn't to blame. Men likewise miss out, but centuries of convention prevent them from feeling regret, or at least voicing it.