Cannes II

SVDL yelled at me yesterday. She protested, in the strongest terms, against my lackadaisical coverage of the big Francophone cinematographic event of the year, Cannes Film Festival.  I have to tell you, ladies, SVDL is no slouch in the intimidation department. Hence, her wish (or rebuke) is my command.

Let me just say this before we begin a rather lengthy run down. I was mostly bored by the fashion at Cannes. While a definitely more daring than the sartorial snooze attack that paralyzed Hollywood during the Oscars, or for that matter at NY's Met Ball (where a spectator was bound to wonder if her finger hasn't been pricked by Angelina Jolie and cast into unnatural slumber), Cannes was still a far cry from truly satisfying sartorial porn. Where, oh where have all the good dresses gone?

Here they are ladies, the mostly meh dresses of Cannes. Turns out it is Cannes Not...


Some groups shots:

A day time photocall:

The striped skirt, if shortened slightly would be fantastic. And Julienne Moore's dress while pretty of color not too flattering of shape on her.. Sadly.

 The burgundy dress on the blond Gossip Girl (Blake Lively) is by far the most interesting, both in color and shape. as for the others - the bright blue is hideous, Nicole Kidman's princessy.

Same gossip girl in a mega dress:

Sure, it is big. Sure it is black and white, and you all know by now how partial I am to that particular combo. And yet... Is it too much while being too little?

90s Icons, Uma Thurman and Quentin Tarantino... looking decidedly older, if, in her case, very queeny:

Her dress... When McQueen did these sheer wing panels it was amazing. But it has been done and done again since, so much so that KaKA wore something similar to her weeding. And that, my friends, is the bell that tolls death to fashion.

One of my favorite actresses of all time, Juliette Binoche, in a nicely coordinated shot:

In order:
Hate the sparkly PJ
Dislike the feathery Chanel that makes a girl already sadly short-of-neck even squatter.
The black-and-white, long skirt masculine shirt combo is not new. She looks good but she also looks old-ish. Could have been edged up..

Poor America Ferrera was the victim of a dress prank, but the bigger problem is that her dress isn't all that flattering:

And now a serious questioning about access.
Salma Hayak's hot pink dress is utterly standard if not for the feat of engineering that is making it stay put on her very ample bosom:

This, her daytime attire, was likewise blah. Salma, married to one of the most powerful men in fashion who has access to the best brands chose this:

Why Salma? The dress belongs on a middle aged secretary. And the shoes should die a quick death. Sad.

Worst Dresses award goes, with much pain to Marion Cotillard. Who is a good actress, and so so pretty, and an interesting dresser whose choices, this time, were terrible. Someone get her a new stylist! (...call me Marion!)
Outfit 1:

Oyi. It pains me. Parts of the dress rock. I like the 18th c. reference - in the back. I HATE the booties, and the overall shape.

Outfit 2:
It is a Dior - (she is usually in Dior - she's got a contract with them):



Standard. But pretty.

Outfit 3:

Again with the booties. And open toe-ed ones at that. WHY?? The dress makes her look rectangular. The booties - just gross.

Outfit 4:

And here she just gave up. What a sad, sad sack of a dress. What a terrible crime against her beauty.

All this said, however, the most singularly ugly dress award goes to Sharon Stone:

Yes, you look amazing for your age, Sharon, but your midsection seems to be devoured by some malignant disease.

Her other outfit was no improvement:

Taacky.

Best Dressed award goes to Cate Blanchett, once again:
outfit 1:

It is scaly (and therefore appropriate, she was there for some movie about dragons) and kinda fantastic, if not fantastically interesting. I do hate the sheer back, though. Can you imagine just how unforgiving that must be????

outfit 2:

LUUUUST. I want that top.

Outfit 3:

More standard, but still awesome because of the shoulder detail.

Outfit 4:

This one does very little for me. Too pale..

Outfit 5:

WOW. I usually dislike Armani, but this is interesting and fits the wearer perfectly. Good job Giorgio.. But I do wonder what it looked like AFTER she sat down..

Either way, she was the clear and undisputed winner.

And for dessert - Conchita Wurst, proving that she's not the worst (ha!) as far as dressing is concerned:

SVDL I hope I have redeemed myself...